Issue Essay: Looking for a score and what I can fix

Imagination brings out an experience others can keep to themselves in their own little world or feel free to share. There are two sides to this where some view imagination as a pure delusional that does not hold any type of value. However, an initial argument states the opposing factor for how imagination is a more valuable asset than experience. It is argued saying that people who lack experience are free to imagine what is possible without the constraints of established habits and attitudes. I believe this argument has extreme flaws attached due to imagination virtually not performing anything. Another reason this argument has holes is due to maturation.

First, imagination comes from things that are not being accomplished. Having thoughts about yourself performing certain tasks does not mean you are actually doing these things as it comes from a fairy tail perspective. For example, a person who imagines themselves being an astronaut can be a fun thing to think about, but does that occupation come into your life with actual drive and motivation to reach these goals? One may counter this argument saying how imagination could lead to finding a dream job and having the drive to go through with your dreams. However, nothing can ever get accomplished until this perspective of imagination turns into a reality. Accomplishments come with doing the work to reach these imaginative goals rather than only having these ideas swirl around in a person’s head. Imagination creates an alternative reality in a person’s head with aspects that are far from their real lives, and there is nothing here that justifies this being more valuable than experience. Experience comes with doing the work in the real reality versus imaginary thoughts being the polar opposite, so how much value can an individual take from self-relying on pure delusions? Getting the job done comes through working experience and putting the effort into real life. There is another reasoning which pertains to maturation being more valuable through experience over imagination.

Another point relating closely to experience holding more value than imaginations is maturation. Working in your field and going to college to pursue your future occupation requires growing pains and learning experiences. Growing up into a reality comes with maturing yourself which is something that is hard to argue works with imagination. For example, a child can have a wide range of imaginations as they are still learning the basic aspects of life such as making friends, school, behavior, etc. Even teenagers and young adults not being sure what they want to do can have imaginations that potentially could help them. However, the adult portion where you are on your own cannot rely on imagination over experience as this causes a lack of maturity. There is growing up required for individuals looking to make an impact on society and their lives in the best way possible. Growing up should erase the imaginations and transition into the real world of gaining experiences and life obstacles which help shape people. Is this not what the definition of maturity is? The combination of going through vital life accomplishments comes with experience and growing up and not pure imagination.

The counterpoint comes from the initial argument stating how imagination holds more value than experience. There is a strong point backing this up arguing how imagination creates possibilities without the constraints of established habits and attitudes. This initial point holds strong more so for children and young adults trying to figure out what the future holds for them as imagination creates potential ideas to go off of. There is a valid argument here that holds value. However, there is a bigger picture in the world we live in through every individual having to take that next step of growing up. Imagination can only take a person so far in the real world when working and going through obstacles is needed. Sticking with the imaginary thoughts argument can play a detrimental role in keeping people from reality and what the present needs them to accomplish. Experience holds much more value here as learning about yourself and seeing what the world holds for you comes into play. Staying in the same bubble of pure thoughts without putting the actual work in shows a lack of maturity on an adults part who is needing to step up. There is so much more to life through hard work to get where you want to be versus having just the thought of it.

In conclusion, experience holds a higher value to life than imaginative thinking. The initial argument has their vital points to back up a portion of society such as kids and teenagers/young adults looking for their future. Experience comes with so much more key aspects to help shape a person into an incredible version of themselves. Accomplishments are needed through life experiences as this helps mature and mold a person into their own shoes. Imagination can play a role here into new thoughts that lead to starting a new journey, but the experience is the meat and potatoes of getting where you want to be. There is an incredible amount of imaginations to have set for yourself, but it is up to the person to turn those into a reality.

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Hi @Overall_maroon_masto, nice work on this essay - I’d score it a 4.5:

  • Good overall length.
  • Good 5-paragraph format.
  • Good variety in sentence structure.

Areas you can improve:

  • Your thesis paragraph should clearly summarize what will come next in each of the three paragraphs.
  • Your grammar could use some practice - especially your use of commas.

Other than improving your grammar and your thesis, I don’t have much specific feedback. This essay seems quite good to me overall, but it’s held back by unnatural grammar throughout. If you can write a similar essay with correct grammar within the time limit, I think it will score at least 5.0, and maybe even a 5.5 or 6.0.

The quickest way to improve your grammar is to use the free version of Grammarly. Paste this essay in there, and it will help you understand the areas that sound unnatural and how to fix them. Write your next essay in their editor. Don’t worry about finishing on time - the goal is to write well, following their recommendations. Do this a few times, and you’ll be surprised how quickly your writing will improve.

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