Hello, this is my recent issue essay. I was hoping to receive some feedback on things to improve. What would you grade my essay?

Prompt: True Success can be measured primarily in terms of the goals one sets for itself.

One significant saying argues how true success can be measured primarily in terms of the goals a person sets for themselves. The opposing side may argue that goal setting does not tell the full story and overall work ethic does not always require specific individual goals. However, I take the position of goal setting being a real successor. Creating goals has a huge benefit to creating a successful life that does not bring a negative or harm toward an individual. Setting goals for yourself does equate to true success as you are given a true timetable to follow and a boost of significant motivation.

Creating goals allows for a timetable where you are requiring yourself to follow certain patterns. For example, a person wants to gain muscle for these next 9 months where this allows the goals to be followed through with. Doing well on an exam for a goal allows the student to create a study plan whether that is a weeklong increments or hours long the night before. The question that has not been asked is what does goals on your bucket list without a timetable accomplishing? A person with a to be determined goal does not bring forth current improvement and creates a standstill. Following a timetable is massive for achieving your dreams and creates a sense of motivation to follow.

Setting goals upon yourself can create a boost of massive motivation to follow and go through with. Where does the motivation of achievement come from when there is not goal setting happening? Goals are a must to get yourself out of bed every day to bring your full importance to society and others. For example, knowing your dream job is a goal which lights that fire under you to achieve that degree versus someone who has not found that passion. Ask yourself, how much motivation would you have if you did not have a set of goals implemented into your life? Goal setting is a must to get to where you want to be.

The counterargument for goals not being a must does have a compelling argument when thinking about it. What if a person is content and happy where they are in life without having to use goals? Is goal setting used in every successful individual living on earth? The answer to this last question is no there are very likely people who did not need goals set onto themselves to reach their full potential. However, this does not mean everyone should follow these footsteps of having zero goals. It is fair to say everyone is different from each other, but there is a huge benefit to creating yourself goals to achieve. A person may have reached their peak status without goal setting, but would goal setting have gotten to their destination faster? There’s a motivation factor as I stated where wanting to reach a goal can bring yourself to the top of the mountain. Despite the strong opposing argument, there is overwhelming benefits to setting goals leading to true success.

Overall, I believe having success comes from the deep root of goal setting. Having a goal brings a timetable for yourself when the motivation is present which comes from setting real goals you are wanting to achieve. A prime example is a person coming out of high school with no goals set for themselves. Where is this high schooler going to accomplish in these first few years of adulthood? It is perfectly normal to not have ambitions to accomplish for certain periods of time, but goal setting has to come in a person’s life whether its during adolescence or adulthood. Setting yourself goals brings various positives to reaching that true success.

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Hi @Overall_maroon_masto, welcome, and thanks for posting!

This is a good start with some straightforward areas for improvement:

  • Write more! Your essay is much too short at only ~600 words - try to aim for at least 800.
  • Your thesis should include and summarize your body points, like a mini-outline for the rest of the essay.
  • Likewise, your conclusion should include and summarize your body points. The content you have is ok, but it belongs in a body paragraph instead.
  • Use simple transition words to help the e-grader pick up on the structure of your essay. Start each body paragraph with “First,” “Second,” “Third,” and start your conclusion with “In conclusion.”
  • Limit questions, or don’t use them at all. Rephrase your rhetorical questions as statements.

I would score this a 4.0, but with some practice, you can certainly improve.

In addition to the tips above, I suggest you try rewriting this essay (untimed) using the free tool Grammarly. It’ll help emphasize some structural quirks with your writing style and show you how to rephrase sentences so they’re clearer.

Use Grammarly to get better scores