Feedback on essay please

I disagree with the statement that imagination is a more valuable asset than experience because I believe that experience is needed to create imagination and realistic imaginations. Experience may indeed create constraints on imagination due to established habits and attitudes, but that also is very highly dependent on the person. However, without appropriate experience, it will narrow the scope of one’s imagination because experience is not based on habit and attitude rather it more base on time itself and commitment.

Based on myself, I can say that when I was younger my imaginations were bolder than they are now, but I can say now that my imaginations now are broader, more tangible and more ambitious due to my experiences in life. When I was younger I was naive and not experienced enough that my imagination were more fairy-tale than practical, and was more day dreaming than ambition. As stated even though my imaginations may have been bolder when I was younger, it wasn’t very practical or tangible because there was no plan behind it, while my imagination may not be as bold now, they are now broader, tangible and more ambitious, which I believe is more important than just having imagination. Imagination with no plan is as useless as having no imagination.

Those who say that imagination is a more valuable asset than experience due to constraints of established habits and attitudes more likely do not have a plan or are not willing to put in the commitment in order to fulfill one’s imagination. Based on the reasoning, it sounds like they are referring to younger naive individuals because that demographic tends to lack in experience. Also typically, younger naive individuals are not familiar with the commitment it take to fulfill one’s imagination, and due to their naive mindset anything is possible. As you get older and gain more experience, most tend to see that in order to put imagination to good use, it will take a level of commitment most are not willing to put in. So while that would be considered a constraint due to habit and attitude, that’s based on the individual not willing to commit. There are those who with experience tweak their imagination, while maintaining a high level of ambition but still make use of it due to being driven and focused.

To conclude, saying imagination is a more valuable asset than experience due to constraints of established habits and attitude due to experience while may be true is not a valid reason. Imagination is nothing more than just a fairy tale without having a plan and level of focus. Experience also allows one to open their mind to other paths and open new doors of imagination. Putting imagination to use is highly dependent on the person. If a driven individual is given either more experience or imagination, I believe that if given more experience that person is more likely to achieve more than given imagination.

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Hi @Ordinary_white_halib, thanks for reaching out! Looks like a good start with some room for improvement.

Here are a few areas to focus on:

  • Write more! Your essay is pretty short at ~500 words; ideally you should have ~800 or more
  • It’s good that you follow a standard 4-paragraph structure with your intro and conclusion, but adding another body paragraph to make it 5 total would be a good idea!
  • Many of your sentences are extra long; in many cases it would be better to split them into two sentences
  • It’s good to use the prompt keywords in every paragraph, but you’ve overdoing it a bit by using “imagination” in almost every sentence
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